When the Road to Driving Gets Complicated
What to do
Learning to drive does not always follow a straight path. You may run into practical barriers, some setbacks, or circumstances outside of your control.
Maybe you don’t have a car to practice in. Maybe your foster parent or caregiver has concerns about insurance. Maybe you didn’t pass your driving test the first time. Or maybe you’re feeling anxious about the whole process.
Whatever the situation, there are practical ways to address both the barrier and how you’re feeling about it.
READY
SET
Breathe!
WHAT CAN HELP
Begin by acknowledging the disappointment. Lack of access to a vehicle is a circumstance, not a reflection of your motivation or ability.
Explore appropriate practice opportunities through available program resources, approved supportive adults, driving schools, or other community resources.
When behind-the-wheel practice is not available, you can continue preparing by:
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Studying traffic laws
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Reviewing road signs
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Taking practice knowledge tests
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Observing safe driving behaviors as a passenger
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Talking through driving scenarios
Try reframing “I can’t practice right now” rather than allowing it to become “I can’t do this.”
Remember: A delay is not a failure.
WHAT CAN HELP
Insurance costs, liability, accidents, vehicle damage, and allowing an inexperienced driver to use the family vehicle are legitimate concerns. These practical issues can create anxiety, fear, frustration, or reluctance for your caregiver.
Separate the practical questions from the emotional response. Work with your caregiver to get accurate information about insurance coverage, costs, program requirements, and caregiver responsibilities. Reducing uncertainty can help reduce anxiety.
It can also help to identify the specific concern:
Is it the cost? An accident? Damage to the vehicle? Liability? Giving up control?
Once the concern is identified, it becomes easier to problem-solve.
Establishing clear expectations around vehicle use, practice times, passengers, safety rules, and responsibilities can also help both you and your caregiver feel more secure.
Remember: The goal is not to eliminate every worry. It is to keep fear and uncertainty from becoming barriers to your progress toward independence.
WHAT CAN HELP
Failing a knowledge or road test can lead to disappointment, embarrassment, negative self-talk, and fear of trying again.
You may start thinking:
“I’m terrible at this.”
“Everyone else can do it except me.”
“I’m just going to fail again.”
Give yourself permission to be disappointed without allowing the result to define you. You worked toward something important and did not get the outcome you wanted.
Then shift the question from:
“Why did I fail?”
to:
“What did I learn about what I need to practice?”
Identify what went well, determine which skills need additional attention, and create a specific plan before your next attempt.
And remember: “I failed the test” is not the same as “I am a failure.” Tell yourself: “I didn’t pass this time. Now I know what I need to work on, and I can try again.”
WHAT CAN HELP
Even when you’re well prepared, you can still feel test anxiety.
You may worry about forgetting what you know, making a mistake, being watched during the road test, or failing.
Practice these coping strategies before test day:
Practice under test-like conditions.
Use slow, controlled breathing to manage physical symptoms of anxiety.
Replace “I’m going to fail” with realistic self-talk such as, “I have prepared. I can take this one step at a time.”
Visualize yourself successfully moving through the testing process, including recovering calmly from a difficult question or minor mistake.
Get adequate sleep, eat beforehand, stay hydrated, and allow enough time so you don’t feel rushed.
During the test, concentrate on the current question or driving task rather than worrying about the final result. You don't have to eliminate every nervous feeling.
Remember: “I can feel nervous and still do this.”
WHAT CAN HELP
Discovering that missing or incorrect documents have delayed the licensing process can be extremely frustrating.
For youth in foster care, getting the documents you need may involve caregivers, agencies, or systems outside of your direct control.
That can leave you feeling helpless, angry, disappointed, or discouraged—particularly if you’ve experienced other situations where important decisions were controlled by adults or systems.
Acknowledge your frustration without allowing the situation to become hopeless.
There is a difference between a delay and a dead end.
Create a clear action plan with the adults supporting you:
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What is missing?
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Who can help obtain it?
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What is the next step?
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When will we follow up?
Whenever possible, participate in the process. Having a role in solving the problem can help restore some sense of control.
While you’re waiting for documents, identify what you can continue doing to prepare, such as studying, taking practice tests, or practicing driving when appropriate.
Remember: “This is a barrier we need to work through. It is not the end of your goal.”
Throughout your driving journey, remember this: You don't have to figure this out alone. There may be moments when you think: “This isn’t fair.” “I’m scared.” “I’m never going to pass.” “What’s the point?” Talk to your foster parent, caregiver, family service specialist, or another supportive adult about how you're feeling and what is getting in the way. Sometimes the next step starts with someone simply saying: “I can understand why you’re frustrated. Let’s figure out what we can do next.”
Your feelings can be acknowledged and you can keep moving forward.
Ready. Set. Breathe.
You've got another step you can take.
Prepared by Erika Brooks, LPC, CSAC,